ADPi pledges proving Mississippi State really is “the shit”

Well it’s moments like this that I really pride myself in my journalistic integrity (as well as my sarcasm.) Seriously though, I really do love my job and very few times do I doubt my career choice however because of the story I’m about to share I am having a few second thoughts, never the less here goes.

“Several freshman ADPis [were] taking dumps all across fraternity row,” -Anonymous tipster

For all my fellow Ole Miss alumni who are tired of hearing the annoying jokes and jabs from our classless foes over in the precious cow pastures of Mississippi State we now have some new material thanks to recent developments, and the very classy girls at Alpha Delta Pi. We can substitute “cow patty” comebacks with “sorority patty” ones and thats no joke. Get it? Haha! Ok then moving right along…

According to an anonymous tip passed along from one of my twitter followers, (@totalfratmove), the Alpha Delta Pi sorority house at Mississippi State University, is rushing pledges who are essentially shitting all over campus for membership.

On Saturday, “several freshman ADPis [were] taking dumps all across fraternity row,” one tipster reported. “Apparently mystery poops were found or witnessed in the following places: a trashcan, on top of a cooler, and in the front lawn of the Pi Kappa Alpha house. The names are left out to protect the guilty but it has been confirmed that the dumps were taken by two separate girls both pledging ADPi.”

Ok before I go any further let me just impress the fact that this is still a crazy story circulating the rumor mill, however, its still some funny crap (pun intended.)

Since I wasn’t personally a sorority type during my days at Ole Miss maybe I’m missing something here, but I can not for the life of me understand what would possess a young “lady” (or anyone for that matter) to publicly poop. Period.

The alleged fecal transgressions are apparently proving some kind of commitment to college life–what kind, I’m not sure–but is a cultural movement upon us? Is this what you have to do now to prove your allegiance to your sorority? Is this like a duck face selfie fad? “Poop selfie!”  Dear baby Jesus, I hope not.

I mean where are the bathrooms???? I’m not sure what you guys have over there, (because I was classy enough to go to Ole Miss) but we have the “Hotty Toddy Potties,” get you some! ASAP!

Now once again let me reiterate we have not yet been able to confirm the legitimacy of the shits. But, given the nature of rushing in 2014–which doesn’t seem as if it’s changed much over the decades except now topless moments can be leaked via social media–it’s possible the shits happened.

There is photo proof out there for you guys, I just refuse to post it. Do a little googling or download the app YikYak if its that necessary for you to see the feces.

Now as disappointed as I am that my baby sister chose MSU over Ole Miss, at least she’s a PiPhi … or this article would be even more awkward!

MSU girls, once again proving Ole Miss has the classiest girls in the SEC – Thanks ladies!