Weird Ntweet Wednesday
Aug 28, 2014; Atlanta, GA, USA; Mississippi Rebels defensive tackle Robert Nkemdiche (5) walks off the field wearing the Old Leather Helmet trophy after the Rebel
Ole Miss defensive tackle Robert Nkemdiche is as household of a name as you’re going to get for a two-year letterman defensive tackle. After all, he was the consensus No. 1 player in the country coming out of high school, chose the “University of Ole Miss” on ESPN while donning a bow tie, and is widely regarded as a top five pick in the 2016 NFL Draft. What else do we know about the man affectionately known to Rebel fans as “Big Rob?”
We know he has an affinity for bucket hats and ill-fated snapchats. He adopted an adult cat from the Oxford-Lafayette Humane Society (and for some reason didn’t name it Nkitty). One more thing we know about the Greek God that anchors the Ole Miss defensive line is he has a propensity to tweet really, really weird stuff. Maybe they’re deep, intellectual journeys that my shallow brain can’t fathom, or maybe they’re just Philosophy 101 nonsense. Regardless, they’re out of the ordinary. With that, I would like to introduce to you our new weekly offseason segment entitled, “Weird Ntweet Wednesday,” where we go into the mind of Nkemdiche and try to divulge what he really means in his 140-character explorations of the universe.
@TheLegendMerlin Nov 26
“I believe that any name you give a thing is it’s correct name.”
Right off the bat we have a tricky one. Maybe Rob is telling us just how little he cares for “Grammar Nazis.” He used the wrong form of “it’s” and really just doesn’t give a damn what we think. I think he’s a little deeper than that so I’m going to assume he’s talking about the building on West Jackson that is currently occupied by a Lenny’s. Since 2008, the establishment has been home to Moe’s, a pizza place, a barbecue joint and now the sandwich chain. For Oxonians, call it whatever the hell you want, we know what restaurant you mean.
@TheLegendMerlin Dec 24
“How do you think with no thoughts? And speak with no sound ?.”
Does Big Rob stop his tweeting for the Christmas holiday season? No chance. He comes out swinging with this one. This is obviously a juxtaposition of jabs at a pair of NFL stars: Cleveland Browns wide receiver Josh Gordon and Seattle Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch. The lack of thinking and thoughts goes to the oft-suspended Gordon who has about as much self control as a Kardashian sister at a Boyz II Men concert. The second half of the tweet references Lynch’s interviews in the media where he just does not want to get fined. That double punctuation? It’s both a question, and a statement. Booyah, you get two for the price of one in this tweet.
@TheLegendMerlin Jan 2
“Telepathy is perfectly natural.”
This is quite the ironic tweet. If Big Rob knows what we are thinking about, that’s fine with me. Most of my thoughts are in regards to what I’m going to have for lunch today, what I had for lunch yesterday, and wondering whether or not the blonde friend from The Goonies was a man or woman. But, telepathy can’t be a natural thing because if it were, there would be someone out there that could fill us in on exactly what the hell he’s talking about. My best guess is Nkemdiche is just rubbing our noses in the fact he knows what we’re thinking but we have no earthly clue what’s going on his head.
@TheLegendMerlin Jan 7
“If times moving to fast just slow it down.”
This one’s a piece of cake. No, he’s not trying to cling to his youth, or relax in a fast-paced game. He’s clearly trolling LSU head coach Les Miles for his clock management blunders in the Rebel victory in 2009. If he tweets something soon regarding eating grass, letting his players hold a “team vote,” or failing to produce a quality quarterback, it will all be confirmed. Keep on trolling, Rob, and as that one random extra in the original Karate Kid said, “Put him in a body bag, Johnny!”
@TheLegendMerlin Jan 9
“Animals are primarily robots , operating on dumb instinct.”
Yet another pitch right over the heart of the plate. This tweet is obviously about Nkitty (I don’t care if he calls it that or not, that should be its name) and the fact that cats suck. When a dog walks up to you, he wants to be pet and loved. When a cat does, they usually just glare at you with a meaner look than if you order sweet and sour chicken at a Hibachi restaurant. The tweet features the word “dumb,” which is the best word I can use to describe cats. It also has the word “robots.” Robots do not have emotions, not unlike, cats.
I hope y’all enjoyed the first edition of Weird Ntweet Wednesday and Rob, if you’re reading this, I hope I did you a solid by explaining to all these people what you really meant by these vague, ambiguous tweets. Thanks for reading everyone and nhotty ntoddy.