How Will This Year’s Election Affect Ole Miss
Which political party needs to be in power in order for the Rebels to have the best four years possible?
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Before I type another word, this is a satirical look at our presidential election. In no way am I using this article to endorse any candidate. This has been a volatile election cycle, so we thought we’d bring a little levity to the situation.
The fact of the matter is that we all know what serious issues need to be addressed. National security is important but I’m not talking about that. Equal pay for women is a vital issue but that’s not what I’m talking about either.
The Second Amendment is a hot topic but that’s not even the issue I’m referring to. The issue is clear and simple.
Which political party needs to be in power in order for the Rebels to have the best four years possible?
At the end of the day, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump both have their flaws, so I need to know who can bring my Rebels closer to a national title. So me and my expert staff (my 13-year-old son, Johnathan) collected the records for each season going back to Johnny Vaught’s first season.
Then we cross referenced them with the Presidents of the United States during that time. And we have determined who Ole Miss fans should vote for in order to maximize the Rebels chance of success for the next four years. We look at three things: Wins, Bowls and Intangibles. Let’s examine the facts.
Wins
The Ole Miss Rebels have an all-time winning record. The Republicans were in control during some of the most memorable regular season games. Richard Nixon was in the White House during the famous game against Tennessee in 1969.
It was in this game that Steve Kiner replied “Archie Who?” when asked a question about Rebel great, Archie Manning. After which Manning led the Rebels to a 38-0 upset over the Vols.
The Rebels have a 58.7% winning record during Republican presidencies.
The Democrats haven’t fared so badly themselves. The have a 57.6% winning percentage.
And who can forget that under the presidency of Barack Obama, Ole Miss defeated Alabama in back to back seasons. And though Jimmy Carter didn’t oversee much success for the Rebels, he was in charge during their upset win of Notre Dame in 1977. This one is too close to call.
Wins: Push
Bowls
The regular season is great, but true Rebels want to go to bowl games. It is the prize at the end that makes the entire year worth playing. In this category there is a hands down favorite. Though the Democrats lead the Rebels to more bowls, the Republicans know how to get us there and win the game.
The Rebels went to 19 bowl games under Democratic presidents but only walked away with an 11-8 record. Not bad, but not great either. By the way, our 19 games under the Democrats match the entire bowl appearance of a certain school to the southeast of Ole Miss. They have the same exact win and loss record too. But I digress.
The Rebels played 17 games under Republican leadership. And Ole Miss is an astounding 13-4. Republicans have seen the Rebels win four Sugar Bowls and three Cotton Bowls. This success also includes two National Championships under Dwight Eisenhower. Clearly, Republicans know how to get the Rebels the hardware. There’s no contest here.
Bowls: Republicans
Intangibles
While looking at the regular season and the bowl games seems like enough to make a well-informed decision on which presidential candidate to support, you have to weigh in the intangibles. The things that go beyond winning and losing.
The last perfect season the Rebels had was under President John Fitzgerald Kennedy in their last National Championship year in 1962. They went 10-0. But not all the intangibles were good things.
Although Houston Nutt was hired under George W. Bush’s presidency, President Obama was Commander-in-Chief during the horrible 2010 and 2011 season. Seasons that saw us lose to Jacksonville State and Louisiana Tech. Although I know realistically there is nothing he could have done to prevent it, I just feel like he should have stopped Nutt. Thanks, Obama!
But when sifting through the intangibles there are two events that happened that will forever be in Ole Miss history. Billy Cannon’s Halloween run and the tragedy against Vanderbilt when Chucky Mullins was injured. Those two events bring sad memories to the mind of every true Rebel fan. And both of these happened under a Republican president.
That grainy footage of Cannon running that punt return has forever ruined Halloween for all Rebels. That was on Eisenhower’s watch. And we all felt the hurt of watching Chucky Mullins lay on that field. George Bush Sr. was in charge then. Simply because of those two events, the intangibles go the Democrats.
Intangibles: Democrats
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So who should you vote for in November to ensure a great year for the Rebels? I don’t have a clue. Plus, using football statistics to decide who the next president should be is asinine and completely irresponsible.
Is winning football games that important to you? Do you believe the entire country should determine their leader based on whether the Rebels win? Who do you think you are? Oh, that’s right, We Are Ole Miss. Hotty Toddy!