Ole Miss Football Conspiracy Theories
Now that we established that Sean Tuohy has been leading the athletic department while passing out mild sauce in Memphis, it is time to examine where the real cheating goes on. And according the that conspiracy site, we know who the lead cheater is, Coach Hugh Freeze. Again, I’m going to have give you the truth that is only known by me, a Mississippi State podcaster that only discusses Ole Miss issues, and some guy in Columbus that has created three different Twitter accounts all for the sole purpose of trolling Ole Miss fans. So it’s true.
Hugh Freeze is the name given to the gentleman that coaches Ole Miss football. As with Ross Bjork, his name was assigned to him by Sean Tuohy. But don’t let Freeze’s kind and humble demeanor fool you. He has perfected his persona. He goes to church every Sunday, treats people kindly and posts inspirational words just to trick us into thinking he loves God. Diabolical.
But here is to where the conspiracy becomes a genius master plan. Follow along.
Recruiting packets are sent out to recruits.
The packets contain a mistake printed on them. Freeze’s last name is misspelled on purpose. Instead of FREEZE it is spelled FREEEZ. A simple mistake? Oh no. And evil plan is in play.
The good kids simply think its a mistake and ignore it. According to the conspiracy site, good kids only go to State. They aren’t influenced by any illegal or questionable recruiting tactics. They only go to Starkville because they enjoy the culture and the nightlife. So they don’t bother opening the packet.
But the bad kids know that it isn’t a misspelled name but it’s a secret code from Ole Miss. A code that signifies that they are willing to pay money for recruits. According to an unnamed four star recruit that I have stalked since he was in middle school, Ole Miss has been doing this since 2012. Here’s how they do it.
When the bad recruit see his named misspelled as FREEEZ they immediately think of the British disco-funk band for the early 1980’s by the name of…wait for it…Freeez. And as we all know, there is nothing that delinquents like more that 80’s British disco-funk bands.
Freeez had a marginally hit song in the early 80’s entitled, “I.O.U.”. It is obvious that the young men knew this and saw this as an agreement for pay to play. In essence, Ole Miss is saying, “I owe you money for coming to Ole Miss.” Freeze is so clever. The song even ends with the cryptic line that says, “I sometimes lie.” The song mentions that Freeze will sometime lie!
Allegedly.
Are you kidding me? Freeze is admitting to lying and paying players! But Ole Miss fans are such homers they will never see it. That used to be me. But not anymore. I am a believer. But the greatest deception is the last one. If you are wearing a hat, hold on to it.
Next: Et tu, Dakota